I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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