you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
