Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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