The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
