I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize