i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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