Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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