dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
