Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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