Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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