the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
