Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
