You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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