I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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