I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize