respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
nutella sex= disaster
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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