Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize