I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
