Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
