It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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