I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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