she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
