dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
