Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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