guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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