they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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