The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
