I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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