you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
