matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
