you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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