I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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