soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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