i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
