Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
