Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
