Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
