wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
