In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
