Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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