One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
