I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
