i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We are two peas in an std pod
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
