dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize