why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
