John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
