i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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