I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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