Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
