Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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