wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
