Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
