I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
