i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
