Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
