I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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