i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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