Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
