it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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