After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
