I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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