just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
