I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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