Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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