Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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