Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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