also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can't special order awesome
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
